


This is it, isn't it?

by lucy_in_the_sky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, M/M, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, stucky for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 15:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18625633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy_in_the_sky/pseuds/lucy_in_the_sky
Summary: Endgame spoilers!!!!...My take on how Bucky felt during the last scene in Endgame.





	This is it, isn't it?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a stucky fan for life and was therefore very disappointed at how endgame ended. I thought it was really out of character for Steve, even if marvel wasn't gonna write a stucky ending. I'll probably write a fix-it fic, too...

He knew.

Goddamnit, he knew, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking with a little too much heart than head.

Steve turned to him and flashed a smile. Not a Steve Rogers smile, a Captain America one.   
Bucky wondered when he'd started doing that. The fake smiles thing.

He'd kept his distance the entire time Bucky'd been back. He said nothing to him during the final battle but Bucky excused that, thinking Steve was too focused on the fight. A very Steve thing to do.

But then he didn't say anything on the quinjet back home. Or on the way to Tony's funeral. Or after the funeral when he and Sam were talking idly and Steve passed by. Not a very Steve thing to do. At least not his Steve.

So by the end of funeral, he knew.

“Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone,” 

Steve's words interrupted the pity party in Bucky's brain.

He laughed softly but it wasn't real. He remembered all too well when he'd first uttered those words.

Back then when he thought he'd had a fighting chance with that little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.

But now, now he knew.

He fucking knew Steve could never feel the same. He saw it, clear as day, written on Steve's face.

“How could I when you're taking all the stupid with you,”

There's that smile again. The Captain America one.

Steve said something about being his “buddy” and wrapped him in a hug. Too short if he had a say in it. But he didn't.

Then Steve was gone. 

Bucky knew. As clear as day. As clear as his unreciprocated devotion, he knew Steve wouldn't come back. 

At least not for him.

So he looked the other way. Sam and Bruce waited for him to return like planned but when has Steve ever followed orders? 

He looked the other way and, yeah, there he is.

“Sam,” he whispered.

Funny how he is still disappointed when he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Steve would do this.

They walked over to the old man. To Steve. 

That punk.

Bucky edged Sam forward, knowing that's why Steve's here. He knew, and he'll come to terms with that soon enough.

He watched as Steve handed Sam the shield. Bucky remembers when Steve first showed him that shield. It was on the walk back to camp after Azzano. His eyes had lit up as he explained how Howard made it from a special metal called Vibranium and how it was basically indestructible and how well it worked and so on and so forth.

Bucky wished Steve would light up like that again.

But then he realized that Steve has lit up. Just not for him. For her. And that's what breaks Bucky's heart, but when hasn't it?

Till the end of the line, huh?

He guesses this is it then, the end of the line.

Sam flashed him a glance and Bucky thinks he probably knows what he's thinking right now, but he doesn't have time to worry about it right now. Because right now, Steve looks like all his dreams came true. Right now, Steve is reminiscing on the life he's lived with Peggy and without Bucky. Right now, Bucky is no more than a distant memory because Steve's spent the last seventy-odd years with her and not with him.

The end of the line. Not as dramatic as he'd imagined. But certainly as devastating.

Funny how Steve could so easily disregard their second chance. How both of them managed to survive and heal after what they had been through. The torture. The brainwashing. The years passing without any knowledge. It's funny, isn't it? How Steve said 'hey, whatever, I'll just forget these past ten years ever happened and go back to live out a second chance that I really want.’ 

But Bucky can't fault him for not wanting him.

He has seen everything that happened as their own miracle. God smiling down on them. Saying it's okay to be who you are. Saying that he wants them to be happy.

But Steve saw these years as a battle to be won. 

Bucky can't fault him for that. For claiming their miracle of a second chance as a mistake. He knew Steve saw it differently.

It's the end of the line, anyway.

He knew. 

Bucky knew this was going to be his fate and he needs to stop being petty about losing Steve.

He smiles when the two men look back his way.

He'll keep his distance, let Steve feel happy in this moment. Let him reminisce about the choice he'd made without any guilt.

He knew it anyways. He guesses he's always known that he's not the one for Steve.

He wonders if he sounds as depressed as he feels when he tells Steve he's happy for him. Happy that he got to have a life Bucky's always wanted for him. It wasn't a complete lie, but he doesn't think he sounds all that convincing.

Sam gives him another look that makes Bucky think he knows but he doesn't care anymore. 

Steve lived his life. He made a choice, drew the line and told Bucky that this is it. 

It's time Bucky learns how to move on, too.

This is it, isn't it? The end of the line? Where everyone gets off the train, heads in different directions, lives out their lives, forgets the travelers they met on the trolley. 

Bucky walks away (and what a spectacular metaphor that is).

God gave him a miracle, after all. He better not waste it thinking about what he knew could never be.

 

.


End file.
